Can you again handle some jokes?

LOGIC:

A kid was beaten by the neighbor lady. The furious mother approaches her asking for an explanation:
- Why did you hit my child?
- He’s rude, he called me fat!
- And you think hitting him will make you thin?

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IN AN AFRICAN OFFICE:

- Name?
- Adi Salama Safari
- Sex?
- 4 times a week!
- No, no, male or female?
- Male, female and sometimes gorilla

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FUNERAL:

A grumpy old Finnish man just died. During the service the priest bursts out in compliments:
- He was such a good husband, excellent Christian and amazing father!
The widow turns to one of her children and whispers in his ear:
“Go look inside the coffin and make sure it’s your father.”

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JEWISH DIVORCE:

Jacob in Tel Aviv calls his son Samuel in New York and tells him:
- Son, I’m sorry to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of suffering have been enough.
- Father, what are you talking about? And just before the holidays?
- We cannot stand each other anymore, son.
- It’s final, and I’m tired of discussing it, so you call your sister Rachel in Chicago and let her know.

Desperate, Samuel calls his sister, who cannot believe the news. She calls the father immediately.
- Father, you are NOT getting a divorce! I will fix this. Don’t do anything until Samuel and I get there! Do you hear me?

The father hangs up the phone and tells his wife:
It went perfect, Rebecca! They are both coming over for the holidays and are paying their own tickets!

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MAIL TO MOTHER IN LAW:

Darling,
The police have found a burned female body with false teeth, a wig, saggy tits and a fat ass. Please answer this e-mail so I know you’re fine.

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HOROSCOPE:

I have read your horoscope for the rest of 2009:Health: the stars are smiling at you
Money: the stars are smiling at you
Sex: the stars are laughing their ass off at you

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FOR LOVE OR INTEREST?

A guy asks his friend:
- Do you think women have sex with us for love or for interest?
- Mine does it for love, definitely
- How can you be so sure?
- Because she shows no interest at all!

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LOVER OR WIFE?

What’s the difference between a lover and a wife?
30 kilos

What’s the difference between a lover and a husband?
30 minutes

What’s the punishment for bigamy ( = kaksiavioisuus)?
Having 2 mothers in law

What’s the difference between a terrorist and a mother in law?
You can negotiate with the terrorist

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BABIES:

An Italian man is at the hospital waiting for his wife to give birth.
The doctor comes out and says:
- It’s been 5 babies!
- Yes! It’s because I have a cannon!
- You might want to clean it, because they’re black...

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AN ELDERLY COUPLE ARGUES:

He says:
- When you die on your tombstone it will read “Here rests my wife, as cold as always”

She answers:
- And on yours it’ll read “Here rests my husband, finally stiff”

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…AND MY FAVORITE ONE:

- Mary... We were so happy 15 years ago!

- But… we hadn’t met 15 years ago.

- I know, I know…!

;o) Rakkaudella 15 avioliittovuoden jälkeen!